JOE McGINNISS

…I could stay home and have fun.

But I’m just not good enough to invent this true story:

Sarah Palin made a surprise visit last night to supporters, who had come from all across America to hear her major policy speech in Iowa today.

So far so good.

But where were they gathered?

At The Machine Shed restaurant in suburban Des Moines.

The Machine Shed outside Des Moines is only one outpost in this fast-growing “Timeless Traditions” chain.

There are also Machine Sheds in Davenport, Lake Elmo, Rockford, Appleton, and Pewaukee.

At this point, some readers might say, “There you go again.”

There goes me, eastern liberal elitist, putting down the heartland and its preferred cuisines.

Well, I’ll put it this way:

The Machine Sheds are owned by Heart of America Group, based in Moline, Illinois.

It’s funny they should mention “heart” because the specialties at The Machine Shed seem created to put that organ out of commission asap.

For example, how about their “Chocolate Covered Bacon?”

I’m not kidding.

They advertise is thusly:

Chocolate Covered Bacon.  The salty sweet treat is crispy and savory and conveniently on a stick.  Thick cut bacon sliced are skewered, deep fried and dipped in chocolate and sprinkled with sea salt.

That’s the first time I’ve heard of anyone sprinkling salt on bacon (coals to Newcastle, anybody?) but once you’ve dipped your bacon in chocolate, I guess anything goes.

As if that were not enough to clog the arteries of young and old (can’t you picture terrorists living in caves, munching on raw lentils, drinking goat milk, and delighting in America’s penchant for self-destruction?), The Machine Shed also offers–I kid you not–the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger.

This is not science fiction.

This is where Sarah Palin’s supporters gathered tonight, and where she came–fresh from her fried butter on a stick–to eat chocolate covered bacon and Krispy Kreme cheeseburgers with them.

And what could be more patriotic than that?

As The Machine Shed says on its website:

The Machine Shed is a special place to celebrate the two things you love – food and family. Known for our farm-themed interior, fresh ingredients and made-from-scratch dishes that soothe and please, it’s all about traditions. It’s a food that fits each season and connects us to the Midwest by reminding us of special people and places in our lives.

No matter how wild and crazy my imagination gets, Sarah Palin, in her real life, leaves me in the dust.

And tonight I go to bed filled with yearning.

Not for Sarah, but for a Krispy Kreme Chocolate Covered Bacon Cheeseburger,” hold the stick.